Sometimes it can be so damned hard to find the words to describe the wonder that is you.

That’s why Describalizer was created:

To help people like you find new words to describe to potential clients
what it is you do and in a way that gives yesterday’s bullshit
a fresh lick of paint, making your old bullshit sound totally brand new.

Here is your new job title:

[insert_php] $input = array(“Sales”, “Experience”, “User”, “Serial”, “Resource”, “Engagement”, “Omnichannel”, “Shareability”, “Digital Media”, “Click”, “Localization”, “Responsive”, “Power”, “Buzz”, “Meaning”, “Negotiation”, “Cold-Calling”, “Marketing”, “Growth”, “Brand”, “Emoji”, “Relationship”, “360-Degree”, “Devout”, “Digital”, “Viewability”, “Rich Media”, “Conversation”, “Data-Driven”, “Neuromorphic”, “Programmatic”, “Media”, “Conversion”, “Hashtag”, “High-Ticket”, “Innovation”, “Creativity”, “Storytelling”, “Social”, “Start-up”, “Strategy”, “Integrity”, “Blogging”, “Content”, “Success”, “Keyword”, “Funnel”, “Meta”, “Focus”, “Leads”, “Profit”, “Trends”, “New Business”, “Knowledge”, “Persuasion”, “Solutions”, “Money”, “Happiness”, “Zen”, “Inspiration”, “Automated”, “Movement”, “Spiritual”, “Theory”, “Consulting”, “Diversity”, “Empowerment”, “Equilibrium”, “Boost”, “Search”, “Crowd”, “Enhancement”, “Branding”, “Asset”, “Future”, “Human”, “Insight”, “Holistic”, “Copy”, “Commercial”, “Money-Making”, “Modernity”, “Profile Building”);
$input2 = array(“Decision-Maker”, “Facilitator”, “Mediator”, “Assassin”, “Speculator”, “Ninja”, “King”, “Operator”, “Dominator”, “Evangelist”, “Visonary”, “Early Adopter”, “Genius”, “Executive”, “Magi”, “Innovator”, “Networker”, “Agnostic”, “Convert”, “Creative”, “Nomad”, “Savant”, “Hotshot”, “Ambassador”, “Builder”, “Geek”, “Squad Manager”, “Shooter”, “Mentor”, “Guide”, “Avatar”, “Generator”, “Detective”, “Pimp”, “Artist”, “Architect”, “Dominatrix”, “Alchemist”, “Auditor”, “Analyst”, “Strategist”, “Jedi Master”, “Dominator”, “Optimizer”, “Cypher”, “Explainer”, “Authority”, “Freak”, “Penetrator”, “Concept Developer”, “Solopreneur”, “Techpreneur”, “Maximizer”, “Peacekeeper”, “Maverick”, “Guru”, “Angel”, “Entrepreneur”, “Distributor”, “Angel”, “Engineer”, “Enthusiast”, “Champion”, “Technician”, “Investor”, “Curator”, “Hacker”, “Native”, “Wealth Creator”, “Director”, “Newsjacker”, “Storyteller”, “Free Spirit”, “Multiplier”, “Expert”, “Guardian”, “Gladiator”, “Amazer”, “Funnelizer”, “Automator”, “Production Agent”, “Orchestrator”, “Informer”, “Commando”, “Thought-Leader”, “Millenial”, “Master”, “Bitch-Maker”);
$rand_keys = array_rand($input, 2);
$rand_keys2 = array_rand($input2, 2);
echo $input[$rand_keys[0]] . “\n”;
echo $input2[$rand_keys2[1]] . “\n”;[/insert_php]

Doesn’t suit you?

Give me another!

About the Author:

My name is Rose Newell. Commercial writer, copywriter, marketing mastermind and... geek. In another life, I listened to the call of the 56k dialup modem and ended up in tech. In this life, I'm a commercial writer, helping great ideas reach an international audience. Happen to need a geek with a bit of uncharacteristic marketing-savvy to tease those ideas out of the sandbox? Here I am. Get in touch.

One Comment

  1. Andy Bolton 08/11/2015 at 12:20 pm - Reply

    Holistic Wealth Creator!

    I could spend all day on this! Hilarious. Bookmarked.

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